Tuesday, January 18, 2011

you keep hanging around me & I'm not so glad you found me

I had a nightmare last night for the first time in a long time.
I know I've posted before about having "nightmares," but this was different.
It was not just a bad dream that I remember in far too much detail; it was a legitimate, wake up kind of scared/sad/confused, covered in sweat & wanting to vomit, can't really remember anything but a drug-related them & the image of my mother crying, 100% legitimate nightmare.
I'm in a kind of daze now, and my head hurts.
I wasn't planning on getting up until around now (6:30 - 6:45), but I got up at 5:30 anyway.. I really saw no point in going back to sleep.

I'm scared... of a lot of things.. some of which I'm aware of, most of which I can't really explain.
I'm tired. So tired. Not sleepy, just.... exhausted.

My roommate's finally starting to get on my nerves a little. She hasn't done a damn thing wrong or even differently than she ever has before, but I have the urge to punch her & it makes me feel really guilty.

and if I haven't made this clear before, I miss my sister.

I'm so tired.

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