Thursday, July 14, 2011
out of my head
I'm about to go to Accepted Student Day at Chatham. I don't know why I'm nervous about it. I'm nervous about attending that school more so than I have been about any school for a myriad of reasons (don't know anyone, all girls, etc.), but non-mandatory treat-you-like-a-baby wander-around-campus-with-a-name-tag-and-your-parents day? Lame. I do feel kind of silly knowing now that I will be attached to my mother's hip and I'm 22-fucking-years-old, but who cares my mom's my BFF and I don't look 22 for sure if I was embarrassed about being glued to my parents. I've got acne to boot and my body image is god awful, so that's not helping anything. I'm wearing a dress which ultimately makes me feel goofy, over-dressed like I'm trying to impress someone, but, again, who cares it's comfy & makes me feel okay in my own skin. I kind of almost hope my new roommate isn't there.. I don't really want to meet her yet. I'm nervous about her, she's SO pretty, talented (I assume.. she went to a fancy high school here in town, and she's for sure talented with a camera), probably has friends who are attending the school, has potential to be a giant snob (so does everyone, I just assume the worst because I AM a giant snob) or the biggest sweetheart ever (which makes me feel like an even bigger snob/bitch), etc., so delaying meeting her makes me more comfortable haha Stupid, I know. Of course, all of these things could/would be good for me: accept natural beauty, be around talent and brilliance, be humbled or be made a better person, etc. so meeting her is actually my only way of getting comfortable with my soon-to-be living situation. Whatever. I could go on and on, about the things that are probably making me nervous & why they shouldn't rationally, but it's time to go.