Thanksgiving was fine. The only times I came close to crying were when Grandma Veldman started asking mother about Eli and why dad blames him for Kelsey's death (I wanted to interrupt "I BLAME HIM, TOO, BECAUSE HE'S A DIRTY PIECE OF SHIT LYING SNAKE" but I just sat quietly and kept up my game of solitaire) and when she said Grace before dinner, adding in there "We miss Kelsey, but we know she would want us to continue like any other holiday." But I didn't actually cry until this morning. I sobbed. Hysterically. I'm alone in my dorm room like I have been since last night, and I just lost it. I got a message on facebook from someone I don't know who saw my "you look like my sister did" comment on superanorexic Ms. Teen Arizona, Sarah's photo asking if I lost my sister to an ED and how she's thinking of me. This girl & I have two mutual friends: Sarah, and a girl Lindsay that Kelsey was internet friends with. Lindsay's profile picture is still a picture of my sister. So then I started looking at pictures. And now it's noon, I've been up for two hours, and I've accomplished nothing but a bunch of online posts about how much I miss my sister. I really need to do something.. anything. I think I'll do art.